


Sex Ed

by mresundance



Series: Alexander - Sex Ed [1]
Category: Alexander (2004)
Genre: Coming of Age, Frottage, Humor, M/M, Masturbation, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-06
Updated: 2010-09-06
Packaged: 2017-10-11 13:22:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/112857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mresundance/pseuds/mresundance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Young Heph teaches a Young Alex about wanking. And Aristotle calls his students bitches.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sex Ed

Aristotle stormed into the classroom, knocking over a few stools as he went, cursing and growling. The bony, livid philosopher's appearance instantly caused the student's easy banter and exchange of new swear words to disintegrate.

Hephaestion leaned over to Alexander on his right and whispered, "He's a bit pissier than usual."

Alex looked at his favoritist teacher of all time (albeit, his only teacher), and had to agree. Aristotle's mouth was screwed up in a knot, his long, thin arms crossed, his bushy black brows scrunched so they were nearly touching, and his white hair wild enough to rival Medusa's famed locks.

Kassander looked like he might take refuge under his stool, and Alex's brow furrowed in worry. Hephaestion sighed, rolled his eyes, and checked the sand slipping through the hourglass set on the corner of Aristotle's desk.

"This year we begin two classes I hate teaching even more than I hate having to teach you morons," Aristotle barked, making a few students jump and Kassander nearly wet his chiton. Hephaestion yawned.

Aristotle flared his nostrils before continuing.

"This year, in addition to your usual courses in Wrestling, Mathematics and Geography, Metaphysics and Philosophy, Politics and War, we start Courtship 101 and . . ." his face screwed and his body tightened as if someone was pulling out his guts, "Sex. Ed."

He cringed saying the words. 20 young faces turned to him, some turning pinkish already or looking at the floor, embarrassed, others seeming a bit too piqued, and yet others, like Hephaestion, bored. Alexander frowned thoughtfully.

Muttering something about getting it over with early in the day, Aristotle produced a small, thick wooden baton. Hephaestion perked up.

"Old crab has a dildo? Perv," he said.

Alex's eyebrows shot up.

"Hephaestion-!"

"SHUT UP. I only have this for education purposes!" Aristotle said rather too loudly.

Next he placed a vase on his desk next to the dildo. It had a pair of lopsided breasts and what Alex supposed might be curly long hair crudely painted on it.

"Watch closely, and listen carefully, because I'm only doing this stupid demonstration once," Aristotle said. The students sidled closer, leaning over tables and scraping stools on the stone floor. Hephaestion looked like he might giggle; Kassander was starting to look panicked.

Aristotle held up the vase in one hand the wooden dildo in the other. 1

"This, if you buffoons haven't guessed, is a penis. Or a model of one. Whatever. In a marriage situation, in which a man marries a girl, we'll pretend this penis is the man. And this vase is his new bride, a sweet, nubile young virgin."

Alex eyed the vase with the loppy breasts warily and told himself not to think of his mother. Hephaestion was pursing his lips, and not in a thoughtful way. Kassander was cross-eyed with confusion already.

"Now you see, dumbasses, the woman has a large hole at the bottom. You know, that's where normal people have a penis. But women, being, you know, like, deficient or something, just have a hole. So they need a man to come along and stick this in the hole there like - so."

He demonstrated with the dildo and vase, his face stony and impassive as the korai statues of the acropolis.

Alex's eyes widened to the size of plates and he blushed a bright crimson that matched the shade of his cloak. Hephaestion's cheeks puffed with pent up laughter. Kassander started crying quietly.

"And FUCKING DON'T LAUGH OR I'LL STRING YOU UP BY YOUR NUTS SON, when a man does this, he plants his seed in the womb of the woman. The seed grows into a baby and the woman incubates it for 9 months until out it pops. And the result is -" he gestured helplessly at the crowd of students, most of whom were red as Alex and had mingled expressions of terror, disgust or interest.

Aristotle cleared his throat and set the dildo and the vase back on the table.

"Any stupid questions?"

Kassander waved his hand wildly.

"Yes Kassander," Aristotle sighed while students groaned and rolled their eyes.

"What if - if - you lose it in - in - there?"

"Lose - what?" Aristotle said. "Your penis in the woman's - er - hole?" 2

Kassander squealed unhappily.

"It doesn't fall off Kassander, you twit," Hephaestion snickered.

"How do you know?" another boy mocked.

Hephaestion fixed him with a "try me bitch" look that quelled him.

"Shut up," Aristotle said. "QUIET. ALL YOU BITCHES. Good. Hephaestion is quite right. The penis usually doesn't fall off during sex. So. No worries about that sort of - thing. Well, that's done for today, let's get on to some enticing metaphysics - SHUT UP -" he said when the students grumbled protest.

Later in the afternoon, Aristotle dismissed with the class with "Piss off you little vipers." Students scurried out, still muttering about the sex ed lesson. Kassander still looked rather pale and shaken as he left, furtively checking the halls outside the classroom for bullies before hurrying away. Alexander and Hephaestion walked out last together, Alex stopping to stick a pomegranate on Aristotle's desk as he always did. Aristotle pretended to ignore it as he always did.

"Well that was a fun morning," Hephaestion said sarcastically.

"What?" Alex said, voice vague and distant. Hephaestion yammered on about something Alex didn't really hear. He was still not trying to think of his father, Phillip, his mother, Olympias, his _parents_, doing that thing with their things and the thing.

For the love of Zeus, my own _mother_, he thought. My own _mother . . . _

The sudden image of Olympias' large black hole swallowing his father Phillip popped into Alexander's head. He tried not to puke then and there.

"Well, I think I'm gonna go wank," Hephaestion said cheerily. "I need it after today's lessons."

"What?" said Alex.

Heph snorted. "You know. A wank?"

"Uhm," said Alex.

"Straightening the staff?"

" . . ."

"Stroking the snake?"

" . . ."

_Mother . . . ?_

"Polishing the sword?"

" . . ."

"Girding the spear?"

" . . ."

"Okay, don't tell me you don't know what a wank is."

"Uhm?"

"Oh Zeus. Alex! You're 14! Zeus!" Heph huffed impatiently and grabbed his friend's wrist. "Come on then. I'll show you."

". . . ?"

Hephaestion dragged the befuddled Alexander through the hallways of the academy, down a flight of stairs, past the kitchens, out into a small, secluded courtyard sheltered with olive trees. It was silent save for the sigh of the wind now and again, and shadows lie deep in late afternoon as the sun sank in the horizon. Hephaestion pulled Alex into a corner, hidden behind some olive branches.

"Heph -"

"Ssh," Hephaestion said quietly, putting his finger to his lips in a gesture Alex would come to know well through the years. With a look of strained patience, Heph lifted the edge of his chiton.

Alex stared, gaping, opening and shutting his mouth, his brain whirring.

_Moth - HephaestionOMGWTZEUS._

"I - don't think -" Alex stumbled.

"Oh shut up and learn you dolt."

"You sound like Aristotle," Alex said miserably.

Hephaestion snickered, spat in his hand a few times, and began to stroke himself, at first slowly, then more rapidly.

Oh _that_, thought Alexander, blushing again. That thing. The stroking. Yeah. I know about _that_. Good Fates. Is this really necessary now? Hephaestion was always doing _that_, albeit usually not right in front of Alexander like this.

He was about to blurt out that he did, in fact, know what _that_ was, except, he was too busy watching by then. The sweat beading in his friend's upper lip, the little crease between his eyebrows Alex suddenly had the odd desire to kiss. Hephaestion's blue eyes glittered with heat, and his breath was coming in swift little puffs. The movement of Hephaestion's hand and wrist, smooth and fluid and oh, so well practiced for being 15, fingers curled just, just so around that hardening cock, the way he twirled his thumb around that reddening, sweet head, like something succulent, rare -

Alex just couldn't help it when his own hand reached out of its own accord, ran up Hephaestion's bared, ivory thigh, to touch Hephaestion's cock

Heph jumped. Alex's hand recoiled and both their eyes skittered for other things to look at. Alex tried to ignore his own erection now.

"Sorry, I, uhm," Alex mumbled. "Mother?"

Hephaestion looked puzzled for a moment and then shook his head.

"It's alright. You just. Startled me I guess," he shrugged.

He sighted the faint bulge of Alex's erection and grinned wickedly, licking his lips. Alex shivered, felt paralyzed as Hephaestion traced his fingers up Alexander's thigh. Hephaestion just brushed Alex's erection with the tips of his fingers, smiling softly. It felt like small sparks were leaping between Hephaestion's fingers and Alex's cock. Alex gasped. Oh. It was like the first time Alex did the stroking thing, only it was Hephaestion, and his blood was humming, and Alex could smell the other's boy's sweat, felt his breath on his neck.

With his other hand, Heph guided Alex's hand back to his own cock.

"Attaboy," Hephaestion whispered.

They touched for a moment before carefully wrapping hands around each other's cocks. Their rhythms, uneven at first, came together, until they were in unison, panting hard, shuddering, tingling, flushed with pleasure.

Hephaestion was feeling dizzy and his heart was pounding in his ears. He had had other boys, even men, too. He was a pretty little creature, there was no reason to deny it. But this was something altogether different. Alexander's hand on him, gentle, firm, stroking, pulling, squeezing, just right, running a thumb over his head, oh, and tightening just a little there, enough that Heph could see stars at the edges of his vision, and almost laughed. Hephaestion's eyes squeezed shut he was breathing ragged biting his hip as their semen mingled in their palms.

They leaned against one another for a moment, shocked, sticky, sweaty, trying to catch their breaths. They pulled apart, not looking at each other, just staring into space. Alex wondered if his mother had done this with his father, and then decided the pair of them hated each other too much for this sort of thing. Besides, she didn't have a penis.

He suddenly giggled, looking at his hand glittering with him and Hephaestion's cum. Hephaestion gave him a sidelong glance and a wry smile and cuffed Alexander on the shoulder.

"You see?" he said, as they climbed to their feet and tried to clean up by wiping hands on olive leaves.

"I knew _that_," Alex giggled. "I knew what a wank was. Just not that it was - called that - "

An odd look passed over Hephaestion's face. A look Alex had never seen before and it worried him.

Then, a smirk on his lips, Heph said, "Bastard. I should have known better."

\----------------------------------  
  
1\. Yeppers. Greeks invented dildos, or, at the very least, were some of the most avid users of dildos in the ancient world. (Ha! Bet they didn't teach you that in history class.)

The woman is a vase because the word _cervix_ comes from the Greek, and means "mouth of the jar". Yes. Bad Greek pun for you.

2\. Greek men have castration anxieties liek woah. See _Women in Ancient Greece_ by Sue Blundell, pages 20-24, and also the myths on [Ouranos/Uranus](http://www.pantheon.org/articles/u/uranus.html), [Kronus (Cronus)](http://www.pantheon.org/articles/c/cronus.html), and [Oedipus](http://www.pantheon.org/articles/l/laius.html), where Oedipus infamously kills his father and marries his mother.


End file.
